Hello my Vintage Darlings ♡
This post is going to get a little personal as it will discuss something that has meaning to me and hint at why it means so much to me.
For the longest time, I have looked down upon myself. Whether that be in terms of looks, personality, or how I style myself and hold myself, I just never seemed to build myself up. I let what others say or even what I think they may say about me stop me from loving myself.
Anytime I would think of myself in a certain positive light, I would immediately stop that thought and instead replace it with a self deprecating comment. Why did I do this? Well simply because I thought if someone heard me (or read if I was posting to Twitter or Polyvore) and how I described myself, they would think I was full of myself. I thought that they would think that I thought I was better than anyone and that they would start saying awful things because I’m not all that great.
You see sometimes when I think about myself or describing what I’m doing (I like to make little ‘day in the life’ posts on Polyvore — something I hope to do here too) I like to do so in a “fancy, whimsical” way. Almost in a “princessing” way because I am after all a very girly person who loves all things fancy, dainty, and Disney. 
Unfortunately this sometimes seems to make people angry for they start saying mean things to me. They tell me that I’m not all that, I’m full of myself, I think I’m better than everyone and it’s not cute, they say I’m a spoiled show off or that I’m not cute, and I’m just a try hard. Simply because of my style of writing or the way that I’m trying to hold myself up with practicing self love and confidence that day.
So lately whenever I start to think that way, I beat them to it and automatically put myself down instead. I’ll be feeling good about something I did or how I look that day and have one of those fancy, princess thoughts, but I stop it and replace it with a put down like “I’m just kidding I hate myself. I’m like actual garbage.” Or I’ll say something like, “It was just a joke. I’m seriously not cute or pretty at all. So far from the pretty Disney Princess type. Haha.”
Honestly I’ve said even worse about myself to stop the positive thoughts. All because I’m worried about what others might say and what they have actually said about me.
The more I think about how I treat myself because of others opinions, the more I come to the realization that, that’s just not fair to myself. Not only am I letting it cause me to not be my 100% true self, but I’m letting it stop me from self love.
Nobody should have to go through life not loving themselves.
What many people don’t know about me is that I’ve recently gone through something traumatic that’s affected me so negatively that it has changed who I used to be. Since that happened, I’ve been even more down on myself than usual and I haven’t been doing the fancy, little things that used to help me build up some of that self love and confidence. I’ve been even harder on myself with the self deprecating after trying to be positive. It doesn’t help that the comments from people putting me down have increased since this incident.
It’s not just the incident that caused me to feel this way, though it has majorly increased it, but another thing I’m never really open about is my BDD. For those that don’t know what that is, it’s body dysmorphic disorder. That already causes it to be hard for me to love myself.
The whole of 2017 was nothing but me putting myself down to beat other people to it.
It’s time for that to change in 2018. I’m going to treat myself like the princess I deserve to be and if that bothers people, (the way that I hold myself, write about what I’m doing, dress, treat myself, etc) then that says more about them than it ever will about me. I’m going to do what makes me happy and what makes me, me. It may take a while for me to get there, but I will eventually.
I deserve to be happy, I deserve to love myself, and I deserve to finally feel confident.
All of you Loves out there reading this that want to feel like a Princess, you deserve it too. Don’t ever forget that.
You all deserve self love and confidence. ♡
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Another must have for me from this collection was the Raspberry Peach Macaron candle; I’m a sucker for anything macaron themed. I’m so happy I purchased this one because the smell is such a lovely, soft bakery scent!
