Feelings of Self Doubt // Tea Time with Blair

Hello my little Vintage Darlings ♡

Today’s enchanting post is going to be more of a personal one as it’s something I’ve been dealing with for the past week. That being the not so wonderful feeling of self-doubt. It’s something I unfortunately deal with often and though it is one of my goals this year to lessen it and believe in myself more, it still pops up every once in awhile. I’m sure many of you beauties out there can relate.

For as long as I can remember, self-doubt has had too much of a role in my life. Many times I have let these feelings of doubt take over and stop me from doing the things I loved most. Things that would be the first step in creating my dream life were tossed away simply because I chose to believe in my own negativity. I let these thoughts have control over my happiness and make me feel as if I’ll never be good enough, that I’ll never make it anywhere, and never find my place.

I’ve always been a big dreamer. One of my biggest dreams since I was just a child was to be my own boss and create something wonderful that I could call my own. I wanted to do something that made me happy and that I could be so proud of. I never wanted to have work for someone else in a job I would most likely never feel truly passionate about. Always in love with the arts, I wanted to create and inspire. Even at such a young age I had these wishes and hopes for myself. I always told myself growing up that, “Someday, somehow we will get there. We’ll make it and have the most amazing business.” But as I grew older and the words of other people who only wanted to bring me down were whispered to me day after day, those feelings of self-doubt crept in.

As a child people would laugh and say “keep dreaming kid” as if my dreams were laughable and unrealistic. As if I’d never be able to achieve them. Instead of people encouraging me and believing in me that I could be and do anything, they just kept trying to crush those dreams. Of course I was still a child, so that doubt hadn’t settled in yet. I was stubborn and I told them that I’d prove them all wrong someday. 

As the years went on and my dreams evolved, people’s laughter grew, namely my own family’s. They unfortunately never believed in me or encouraged me to reach for my dreams. Anytime I would start to put forward the work towards achieving that end goal, they would be right there to tell me I’d never make it. That I’d end up giving up and that it would never work. That I’m better off working at a minimum wage job that would never fulfill me. The worst was when they’d tell me I’d never amount to anything in life. As a dreamer, those words completely crushed me.

Sadly I let those words affect me negatively and in walked self-doubt. As I would be working on the things to get me to the finish line, I would suddenly start having thoughts that this was all pointless. Putting in all this work and effort is for nothing as I’ll never make it. I’m simply just not good enough or cut out for this life, so I should just give up now…and I did. I would always give up and let my own doubts win. It would hurt me so bad to do so and I would end up crying alone in my room feeling like I was letting myself down. Like I was letting the younger version of me with big dreams down.

There were times when I would set my mind to something I truly wanted,little things, and I went out and got it, but whenever it came to the big goal, doubt has always stopped me. What I want more than anything in life is to grow my blog and turn it into my own little business. Not only do I want it be a magical space to put my words out into the world and inspire others and let them know they’re not alone and it will all be okay, but I want it to become my business. Something I created for myself so that I can say that I finally am doing the job I love because I wholeheartedly love blogging and for once I think I finally found my niche after six years on WordPress.

Though this past week, self-doubt has come back to visit. I can’t help but have thoughts of not being good enough to have my blog grow and to be noticed. There’s no possible way I’ll ever make it as a blogger and this blog will never go anywhere. I’ve already noticed a decrease in engagement, so I must already be losing my touch. No one will care to read it and keep coming back, so I should just give up now right?

But I’m not. I’ve given up too many times in the past and threw away any progress I was starting. I refuse to let the future of this blog become yet another ‘what if’ in my life. It’s not easy to ignore my doubts and I’m sure they’ll be back to trying and make me give up again, but I have to push through for the sake of my dreams.

I’m still doubting this blog as I sit here and type these very words, but luckily with the help of the amazing loves who have been supporting me so far, the encouraging words I read from another blog to beginners, and wonderful quotes I’ve found on Pinterest, I know I’ll get through it.

To any of you out there also dealing with self-doubt, you can push past it. Don’t ever let it stop you from living the life you want the most. If you feel you have no one that believes in you in right now, I believe in you. I believe you can do anything you set your beautiful mind to. ♡

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